THE
INNER WAR
External battles don’t compare
with internal, perpetual affairs,
Ghost of past,
bad habits steadfast-
conflicts within
Never end.
In seeking ways out
I pause and sigh with doubt,
becuase those I love
may not understand,
That uncertainties,
hinder veracity-
mystifying this capricious man.
Presumptous loneliness feared
derived from unforgettable tears,
affects my clutch
on the hearts I touch.
O inconsistent Soul
that only God knows,
Pray the remedy to this Inner War
Will tarry not afar.
© 2003 Anthony Mungin
IMAGINE
Imagine being an eagle -
with fresh wings to flee;
Or a shark that hunts
in the depths of the sea.
Imagine having the heart of a lion -
that knows no fear;
Or ability to glide with swiftness
in the prime of a deer.
Imagine possessing the quickness
of a modern house cat;
Or having sight at night -
like that of a bat.
Imagine having the strength
of a young drama bull;
Or the courage to fight till death -
like a treacherous pit-bull.
Imagine being a dove -
that symbolises freedom;
The most recognised displays
of the charisma kingdom.
Now, imagine being something...
Or someone else than yourself;
Then, I'll show you an indolent creature -
With only imagination left.
February 25, 2001
© Anthony Mungin
MIDNIGHT MADNESS
It’s a night of silence
Lights systematically turned off.
Occasionally a toilet flushes-
Followed by a smoker’s cough.
A flashing light quickly fades-
Along with the sounds of heavy boots.
Alas the vibes are calmer now,
Returning to the creators of their roots.
Tinted black dusty windows
Partially limit my vision;
As the strength of the cold iron
competes with the strength of my religion.
Tonight my thoughts debate-
Between reminiscing or imagination.
These few keys to freedom
Are mental escape methods from incarceration.
Interrupted by the moans and groans
Of the condemned dreamin’
I sympathize with the tortured soul-
Fighting to defeat his retaliatory demon.
The casted shadows from the bars
Remind me of the shadows of my mistakes.
Oh, how adversity increases wisdom-
Constantly disciplining my traits.
Another night of midnight madness;
In a modern day dungeon for political show.
In purity, these are my thoughts-
As I record the sounds of the nights on death row.
December 16, 2000
© Anthony Mungin
THE CLOCK
Bless the womb for a child has been born
in the middle of the dawn
He’s blessed with the seed of permission
to take the truth and pass it on.
A time will come when he shall fall,
but not lose his sight.
On his knees, in the Blood of the Lamb,
is where he’s taught how to fight.
The poison of self-destruction
was embedded in his way.
Yet, adversity has it’s mystical ways –
to teach how to pray.
All the while the clock ticks,
and the sign of age is revealed.
The scars of the heart from yesterday’s –
has miraculously been healed.
Now wisdom is sought, the soul is hungry –
aging has become a blessin’.
But if I shall die before my time –
show me where’s the lesson.
“Look how much time has passed,
and how much do I have?”
“How did I get to death row,
from chillin’ on the Ave?”
With all the strength in my spirit;
I shall not fear the clock.
Just let me complete my part in Thy plan –
before you let it stop!
© Anthony Mungin
GRATITUDE
To the Creator of Life –
The Father of Love.
To the God of my heart,
in Heaven above.
I do not come to beg;
for this is not a request.
I didn’t bring a list of sins –
that I came to confess.
Lord I stand in your presence –
to give you thanks.
Just as Jesus did –
standing on your river banks.
I thank you for my life,
and the days that I see.
I thank you for the ability –
to be all I can be.
Thank you for giving me peace,
when I become angry and tense.
Forever I will be grateful,
that I’m blessed with good sense.
I thank you for my eyes;
to see the beauty you created.
Thanks for giving me time to change,
cause I know how long you waited.
And though I went astray
and lived my way….
You allowed no one to take my life,
but gave me another day.
So I’m grateful for the struggle,
the pain and tears.
Grateful for the experience through the years,
that helped me conquer my fears.
I thank you very much –
for the beautiful color of my skin.
Thank you for salvation –
and the power that’s within.
I thank you for my family,
especially grandmother.
She introduced me to your word –
and set an example like no other.
Lord I thank you for my friends –
their love and care.
No matter how low I fell,
you made sure one was there.
Father I thank you with all my heart –
for your mercy and grace.
Thank you for the victories
in the battle that I face.
When all is said and done:
my ups and downs, good times and bad,
I thank you Most High Almighty Creator –
for the bless’d life I’ve had.
© Anthony Mungin
POETIC PRAYER I
Today I humble myself before you –
in this Poetic Prayer.
I bow to the Greatest Lover in the Universe
because I believe you care.
I’m a living witness of your existence;
Let me now testify.
Man can create his own religion
but there’s only one Most High.
You’ve spared my life many times,
even when I begged you to take me.
But now, I bless the day of my parents’ passion
as you permitted them to make me.
My life hasn’t been as good as it should’ve
and I’m the one at fault.
The love of the streets threw me off
then vanished when I got caught.
I couldn’t see it then, but I see it now
when I used to creep through the night.
I’m alive today cause grandma prayed –
Lord, give him time to see the light.
I saw the glory of your goodness,
but just couldn’t make that step.
Lord God Almighty I was a fool
that needed help.
Now I ask you to forgive me –
for all the wrong I’ve done.
Wash me with the Blood of the Lamb,
and robe your prodigal son.
Give me the enthuse to pray…
for the young and the old.
Take the bad attitude out my heart,
and the ego out my soul.
Grant me with the wisdom you gave King Solomon,
and the courage of King David.
Then I can be brave to tell the Yeast Masters:
“I don’t want to hear it, so save it!”
Correct me and discipline me,
but permit no one to kill me.
For Lord, you are my shepherd, I shall not want
here’s my cup; fill me!
April 24, 1999
© Anthony Mungin
POETIC PRAYER II
Great God of all gods,
My King of all kings.
Merciful Father of glory –
Creator of all living things.
In the name of the Prince of Peace –
Lord Alpha and Omega…
I come in prayer through Jesus Christ,
Your Son – My Lord and Savior.
I wish I knew myself –
as explicitly as you know me.
Enigmatic, yet indisputably –
I remain my own mystery.
I’ve felt like a tourist of righteousness;
inconsistency had taken toll.
To walk the narrow path in this age –
is not an easy role.
My faith in You won’t allow me –
to doubt You or prevaricate.
Your accuracy and glorious blessings –
I could never calculate.
I don’t need any evidence –
proving You exist at all.
But what I need is Your attention,
and to hear me when I call.
Strengthen me with self-control,
let Thou angel protect three.
Until I’ve grown in Holy maturity –
angel, “fight what is blind to me!”
Electrify me with the Holy Spirit,
to be an effective witness.
Let me expose by the Spirit of Truth –
that the atheist theory is senseless.
Father, hear my poetic prayer –
and accept my praise.
Straighten my ways –
and lengthen my days.
I intercede for my country –
that all nationalities be of one team.
For this is my vision of love –
my prayer and American Dream.
November 9, 1999
© Anthony Mungin
BEREAVEMENT
Unknown often when death comes near,
Compelling broken hearts to face its blow;
The propensities to reason seem unclear,
When rationality tends to drag us low.
Seemingly O death manifests afar,
Or so unconsciously we embrace the facade;
Losing loved ones to an inevitable law,
Whether tragical or peacefully is indubitably hard.
Reminiscent heart hear sounds of laughter,
Of sons, daughters, wives, husbands and friend;
And memories of their joy shall remain hereafter,
As a blessing to the spirit and soul within.
But, oh how thou absent physicality awakens,
Realities’ most dreadful epitome;
O precious soul in motion taken,
My lost expressions are in tears I free.
Yet, who I have loved I shall love still,
That love which I’ve cherished shall never die;
Til my own end, this oath shall I fulfill,
And walk on through tears that cherubs and I cry.
November 27, 2001
© Anthony Mungin
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VIEWPOINT
In the early morning hours shortly after midnight I’m
being haunted by insomnia. Too fatigued to sleep I begin
to read many scriptures from the old and new testament
in the Bible. No matter how many times I’ve feasted
upon these Holy Words, I’m always astounded by the
peace and power they have over me. Maybe their effectiveness
is due to my faith – as I believe they are true.
After reading for a while I begin to pray… not only
for myself, but for the people in my life that I love
dearly and even those who are no longer in my life that
I still love. The latter haven’t a clue that I still
care about them.
Tonight I’ve decided to write my thoughts down to
share with you. I’m assuming many people are curious
what it’s like on death row…what goes through
the minds of those sentenced to die. Consider this a fragment
of my thoughts in the late night hours. I can only speak
for myself in opinionated fashion because I, too, often
wonder what goes through other minds here on death row.
However, I believe my hypothesis would have more accuracy
than an outsider due to my first hand observation.
Speaking of observation – I’ve mastered the
art… perhaps to the point of becoming semi-paranoid
unconsciously. Under the circumstance, quite often, I
evaluate my own state of mind. Nevertheless, it has become
a natural instinct to observe those around me. The fellow
prisoners I observe daily are only a small percentage
of the 380 + (and counting) here on death row. We’re
isolated in small numbers, 14 per wing, but caged in separate
cells.
At the moment I’m thinking of those around me in
an effort to understand the different attitudes, personalities,
beliefs, mentalities and mental conditions. In the back
of my mind I try to grade each one’s intelligence
for beneficial usage. Regardless of what others may think
of the condemned, I’ve come to understand that you
can learn something from everyone, including the outcast.
Some of the men around me are on "psych" medication
(a prison term). I can certainly see why some are in need
of these medications. For instance, at the moment there’s
an elderly guy slamming the top of his iron foot locker
every 20 seconds or so to agitate his rival neighbors.
I suspect in the morning his neighbors will retaliate
in an attempt to return the favor. This petty war goes
on because pride and egotism will not allow them to come
to terms to make peace. I speculate this childish war
is a remedy for depression and stress derived from being
on death row. Maybe it’s easier to be in a battle
amongst each other, that one can gain some kind of satisfaction
or partial victory than to face the reality of a battle
that has the upper hand. At times anger arises within
me because of this display of ignorance…other times
I simply pity them.
I try with great efforts to understand my fellow prisoners
and to keep in mind no one is perfect. Frequently, I have
to remind myself that some are on psych medication and
some have serious mental issues.
For example, every day I wake up to face a different personality
from my neighbor. I never know which personality he will
allow to be in control that day. It’s annoying, but
I’m forced to define it as bearable. If I exemplify
kindness he will perceive it as an act of patronizing
him. On the other hand, if I ignore him he’ll take
it as a confirmation of his belief that I’m his enemy.
I’m compelled to play the role of a psychologist,
yet my strategy is simplified by letting him lead…letting
him think he’s in control because I’ve noticed
it gives him a sense of power. This keeps a degree of
peace between us. Besides it keeps him from becoming a
foot locker slammer.
All of this directs my thoughts to the pressures of being
under the death penalty. Each individual has his own methods
of dealing with the situation. I’m enticed by a biased
judicial system to come to the conclusion that the structure
of this building and dehumanizing supervision was deliberately
orchestrated by pro-death penalty advocates to inflict
mental agony. It’s a possibility I’m off the
mark, but it’s a thought worthy of consideration.
I wonder did the stress of the death sentence and the
four walls of a death cell drive guys to the edge of insanity?
Perhaps it’s the fear of death that has contributed
to creating mental problems. Or is it the demons from
their past infractions that they’ve yet to deal with
that are taunting their minds? I have to acknowledge that
each one, including myself, suffers in his own way. The
innocent, the guilty, the remorseful and the cold-hearted
all share our part in this suffering. Yet, there seems
to be a pleasure amongst some to add to the atmosphere
of this suffering, suffocating our common ability to illustrate
civility.
In conclusion of my thoughts for tonight…the death
penalty is a whole lot more than being sentenced to death.
Though it’s being reviewed because of inadequate
counsel, prosecutional bias, people being found innocent,
people wrongfully sentenced to die and targeting minority
defendants, there’s a more uncivilized section of
the death penalty that’s overlooked or perhaps not
even thought of at all. It’s the mental torture of
being told "the law of the land states the judicial
system (regardless of its corruption) has the right to
kill you and we will seek to kill you…in the meantime,
here is your cage until we call your name." The emotional,
mental and physical suffering begins immediately. This
may seem irrelevant to some people, but there’s nothing
irrelevant about provoking insanity.
June 7, 2001
© Anthony Mungin
HOW I FEEL
A foreign friend wrote and asked me, "how do I feel
about the terrorist attacks on America?" The curiosity
of my friend is understandable because I’m on death
row in America.
So I sat down on the edge of my bunk, grabbed some paper
and a pen and these are the words I wrote:
Tuesday, September 11, 2001 was not a good day for many
in America. However, I am glad to see the American people
unite, help, encourage, support and pray for each other
in the face of tragedy. I united with them in spirit and
prayer from this small cell.
I also admired that other countries all over the world
expressed their sorrow, grief and compassion as they extended
a helping hand to America.
I prayed for peace and that terrorism all over the world
would come to an end. I prayed those in authority over
this country would not become vengeful. I hope they will
think before they take action. No more innocent blood
needs to be shed abroad or in this country. Two wrongs
do not make a right. I’m not saying America should
sit back and do nothing about terrorism. But don’t
hurt innocent people in the process of going after terrorists.
Don’t become the evil you despise.
Many people may think I am crazy because I still love
this country, even when under the constitution of the
United States of America I’m sentenced to the death
penalty. I’m mocked by many here because of how I
feel about America.
I know America is not a perfect country. It does not have
a perfect history. It has never been governed by a perfect
people – nor has it ever had a perfect judicial system.
But it is my belief that it is a country that strives
to become a better country; to make better lives for those
amongst its soil. It is a country of many nationalities,
races, and religious beliefs. More so than any other country
I know. America may have its own inner feud with race
issues, discrimination and the judicial system, but it’s
constantly making attempts to do what is right, just and
fair. Maybe not at the pace many would like to see, but
at least it’s moving in hope’s direction.
No, the death penalty is not right… it shouldn’t
exist in our judicial system. I do not speak partially
in giving this opinion being I’m sentenced to the
death penalty. I’ve spent nearly nine years studying
and educating myself about capital punishment. My opinion
is not based on emotions and religious beliefs alone…it’s
based on knowledge and facts about the death penalty in
our country.
It is my optimistic hope that the American people will
educate themselves about capital punishment and use their
intelligence and common sense to abolish it.
Yes, the death penalty is part of our judicial system,
but it shouldn’t be used to degrade the American
judicial system as a whole. Nor should our judicial system
be used to demean America.
If a person is diagnosed with cancer, he or she requests
the physician to perform surgery to take it out, so it
will not kill or damage the rest of the body. Likewise,
the death penalty acts like cancer in America’s judicial
system. Take it out so it can no longer contaminate the
body and image of America.
With such insight as this I am able to look beyond the
threat on my own life and ask God to bless America with
wisdom, knowledge, understanding and strength to do His
will.
As God is my witness – this is how I feel!
September 21, 2001
© Anthony Mungin
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